


The Lonely Stars

by metoregarden



Category: YiZhan, bozhan - Fandom, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV), 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV) RPF
Genre: Gen, Reminiscing, Years Later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:28:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26875924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/metoregarden/pseuds/metoregarden
Summary: Fame...Success... What is the price of it all? How much are we willing to loose? It is a gamble and at the end we may loose it all...
Relationships: Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Wang Yi Bo & Xiao Zhan | Sean, Wang Yi Bo/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Wang Yi Bo/Xiao Zhan | Sean, Wang Yi Bo/Xiao Zhan | Sean/Xiao Zhan | Sean, Xiao Zhan | Sean/Xiao Zhan | Sean
Kudos: 12





	The Lonely Stars

I stood watching through the glass panels, a sight to behold, the bird view of Shanghai in the night, and mind me it takes your breath away . The night grew late, though tired and an early wakeup call, my weary eyes wouldn’t just shut and I wondered how alive was the below, were there people who had the same thoughts as me, would they feel empathy for me or ridicule me. I close my eyes and I can slowly feel the despair settle in me.

I sometimes wish I could just turn back time and not walk the path I did but then, I think I would not have had any of it be it people or things if not for the path I chose . Many call my destiny a fluke , many call my success a chance of luck and I am tired of making them understand and proving them wrong multiple times. It has been from the beginning of my entry to this side of the world the unreasonable demands, the assumed opinions, the criticism, the shaming, the belittling it is nothing new.  
There are times though that I want to just walk out of all this but I have come too far to give up. I have never had to lower my head in shame or uncertainty. I have managed to make through my life proud and with clear conscience … and silently I wear a bitter smile, remembering the phrase , reminiscing a part of my life that is difficult to forget, a time, I wish I could accept and deny, want it back and reject it. A overnight 180 degree turn of life, a success never imagined , never dreamed. 

Thinking of all those memories there is one person that comes to my mind someone my introvert soul could connect to, people always assumed because I spoke to everyone with a smile on my face I was definitely an extrovert but only one besides my parents knew I am an introvert soul, not easy to open up and rarely let my true self out.  
But in this industry that every one knows is evil in its own way and forces you to lock the real you compelling you to wear a mask. I had a friend, those are really hard to come by here, someone who unconsciously turned me into a kid by just their presence , I could laugh so loud and for such an extended time that my jaws would hurt and who wouldn’t hesitate to wipe my tears or provide a shoulder to cry on while providing sarcastic and witty comments to lift my mood. 

Thinking about it takes me back to the early days of 2018 , when we all got together for my first lead role and my co-actor who had a repute of being stoic and cold was introduced to me formally . When I say formally I knew him from before but I always wondered if he actually acknowledged our meet I am still not sure about it . But the first formal meeting, the first script reading, the first scene shooting kept revealing a side of my co-actor that kept surprising me . The bickering, the fist fights, the praises and slowly just the presence helped me shake off some unknown fatigue that existed in my life, I could laugh openly , I could shout and scream without fear and I could just fight to de-stress, all of this without being judged by the other . I am sure the others wondered what a 27 year guy was doing acting like a kindergarten with someone 6 years younger. Our jokes , our play , our smiles and our naughtiness I had believed will somehow be some precious memories locked up for good among the cast and staff. I just had not imagined it would some how start making cracks in a very prized friendship 

The days of filming the drama were almost coming to an end and by then we were nearly inseparable we shared almost the same interest and where I had no interest I was being introduced, forging a bond that is hard to come by. We did not require words to express what we felt, it could a be just a joke that we wanted to convey or send a warning to each other, with just our eyes and facial expressions we could say all of it and be sure the other would understand it well. As the final day of the drama arrived I could just understand by looking at him , a person as pure and naïve as him would for sure keep in touch as he valued this friendship probably more that I did. A kid that was thrown in a vicious industry , surviving on his own, making it big through just sheer will , hard work and stubbornness and wading through hurtful comments and criticism to stand proud and successful knew what having a genuine friend in the Industry meant and I could rest knowing that we would be always there for each other.

Through the duration of end of the drama filming and the time it was released we each were busy with our own schedule and promotions for the drama, but still made the effort of reaching out to the other to find if they were okay or just needed to talk , it was some meet up , some calls , some messages any mode of communication but it did the needful ensure that we both had at least one person in the industry who knew the true us or and would be there for us whatever may happen and we believed that would always be the case. Who knew our safe bubble would burst some day at the cost of our fame.

The drama released and though the initial part of the series not welcomed well , to tell the truth we were not welcomed well by initial fans of the novel before the drama had even begun shooting but once the screening started besides the first few episodes the drama acceptance and appreciation sky rocketed. We be it the directors , the cast or the entire staff would have never in their wildest dream imagined that series would be this popular and overnight the fandom grew to a number that was astonishing . Each of our fanbase grew to implausible numbers. We were excited and over the moon, the success though overwhelming was welcomed. We spoke about it often and were happy for each other knowing that now it would open new gates for the industry helping us both climb eventually to the ladder of success . 

The growing fan base made me pleased and made me feel good about myself more than anything else. Even though the journey to here had been a challenging and tough it made it all worth it looking at fans who appreciated my talent. I couldn’t have been more thankful for their admiration and gratitude. Days passed by though the initial fame and fan following was hailed it slowly reached to a point the same started becoming bit suffocating, but being in this industry I knew I owed all my success to the fans and would bear it up. Though there were times when I felt claustrophobic and struggled to take a breath because of the swarm of people surrounding me, flashing their camera lights to capture, blocking my path to already delayed flight. I still endured all it. And it continued making everyday difficult for me but being the person who I was I humbly accepted it the groping, the pushing, the knocks I endured all of it silently it was the price that I had to pay. But there were some times when I could just feel emotions swelling up with few times running around with unshed tears in my eyes and my head lowered to avoid being noticed. 

And with the uncontrollably fan base came another cost, another sacrifice. Though before beginning with the drama we both knew the context of the story we were reassured by the fact that it would remain subtle and would not be obvious to make it look like it was in the novel. We had just not anticipated the assumptions and the misinterpretations of the drama. I know there were certain actions , certain statements that would make it bit noticeable but never thought that all of that would be driven in another tangent itself. We were stumped by the stories, the content, the picture and lord knows what all just based on a fallacy. We initially were just amused but as time went by it was a point that it was hard to ignore. It was being talked about in the industry, behind our backs , some blatantly taking about it in front of us , and some of them just snickering. It made things awkward for us and between us. I could see how it was effecting our usual conversations. We tried our level best to be as natural as we could with each other but then there would be other content or photo misinterpreted and we would be back to square one. Even though we just wanted to forget it all and move on we not being allowed to so by our apparent admirers in the industry or the fandom.  
People surrounding us who knew the truth that we genuine friends and behaved as we did just because we were comfortable with each other and just were ourselves with each other, advised us to maintain distance and start reducing interactions or instances that would provide fodder to already fallacious world. The industry as well as the authorities had their own opinions of these matters and it wouldn’t take long for them to act on impulse and hinder us. We were being warned by our well-wishers as well as the system drivers that we had to step back. I know some of it was fueled by our associates and patrons but I wondered if this justified where this had reached . There were some unfounded assumptions based on common interests , common likes, common preferences that we had unknowingly provided that provoked the confused community , I wish I could rationalize and provide explications but I knew it was hopeless.

We were slowly feeling the fandom closing onto our friendship , creating small fissures in it though we both knew the other was not at fault we were helpless . Even through this for the earnest friendship we kept our conversations going but we struggled slowly in months and slowly years following to keep this very rare friendship from slipping through hands. But the inevitable eventually happened it was just a excuse for the already cruel industry to make things difficult for us . They leveraged talks about our orientation by fans, the baseless analysis made by people to force our hand. We had to surrender with no means of reasoning.

We are still friends and occasionally greet each other as it is not easy to break a connection that unique but the innocence of this friendship and the genuineness of this friendship was lost . Sacrificed at the altar of fame and success. 

I know and acknowledge the position what I hold today provides me the luxury of being witness to this beauty and places me among the few in this world who are blessed to stand where I am. But there are few times I wonder if all this was worth it , mind you I love my fans I wouldn’t have achieved all the accolades without them and I am grateful them. But I sometimes wonder could they have been a bit more understanding. I know not the entire fandom or authorities could be accounted for this but am I wrong to wish that they had been a bit more thoughtful and empathetic to us. Today when I stand years later admiring the beauty below with heavy heart, I wonder if all of it had not happened would it be just a presumed act of me giving the other a buzz for a quick chat or call to offer advice in his own candid way that made sense always. But the reality settles in , and I realize the ladder we had thought of climbing together had become a solo journey and it feels somewhat woeful to be standing there alone. I have tried to follow his career though he has accomplished a lot , that know he also has his own set of woes but hope that has some one he can to talk to when needed , but just think knowing him it is highly unlikely and realise both us as usual will be always bearing our burdens alone though there was a time we thought differently.

I look at my phone and scroll down to his contact with a thumb just at the call button and retract. I know he wouldn't ignore or be unwilling to talk but the circumstances over the pas few years has driven such a wedge between us that I do not believe it would be right for me to expect to be treated the same as before , it is hard to come back from how far we have walked from each other. I close my eyes in agony and reflect in a world that is already full of its own shadows, that we once could have been each other’s guiding star but as a result of a cruel fate we are now just lonely stars.


End file.
